"SNL" had its triumphant return now that the writer's strike is over, so I tuned in because my girl was hosting. I just can't resist a girl who's both funny and smart.
Here's a segment from her Weekend Update: Women's News:
"Finally, the most important women's news item there is ... we have our first serious female presidential candidate in Hillary Clinton. And yet women have come so far as feminists that they don't feel obligated to vote for a candidate just because she's a woman. Women today feel perfectly free to make whatever choice Oprah tells them to.
(Shows pic of Obama and Oprah at a monster rally).
Which raises the question, why are people abandoning Hillary for Obama? Some say they're put off by the fact that Hillary can't control her husband. That we would end up with co-presidents ... 'Cause that would be terrible, having two intelligent, qualified people coming together to solve problems ... ughghhhllghhhg! Why would you that let Skarsky talk to Hutch? I wanna watch that show "Starksy." Yeah, what is it America? Are you weirded out that they're married? 'Cause I can promise you, they're having as much sex with each other as George Bush and Jeb Bush are.
And then there's the scrutiny of her physical appearance. Rush Limbaugh — the Jeff Conaway of of right-wing radio — said that he doesn't think America is ready to watch their president turn into an old lady in front of them. Really? They didn't seem to mind when Ronald Reagan did that.
Maybe what bothers me the most that people say that Hillary is BITCH. And let me say something about that ...
Yeah, she is ... and so am I, and so's this one (points to Amy Poehler).
Bitches get stuff done. That's why Catholic schools use nuns as
teachers instead of priests. Those nuns are mean old clams and
they sleep on cots, and they're allowed to hit you ...
And after the end of the school year, you hated those bitches,
but you knew the capital of Vermont.
So I'm saying it's not too late Texas and Ohio. Get on board.
BITCH IS THE NEW BLACK"